Why Couldn't It Be True?
With all the evil being exposed today, why don't people believe ritual abuse is real?
*Trigger Warning: This post mentions Child Sexual Abuse and Abusers*
Recently, I’ve taken a huge leap into some rather unusual territory, by opening up about the true nature of the trauma that my husband Scott revealed to me many years ago: that he (allegedly) experienced ritual abuse at the hands of his own family.
What has complicated his claims is the fact that he is diagnosed with a mental illness that also happens to include psychotic features and can sometimes result in delusional thinking. Even further complicating matters is the fact that he was in the middle of an episode when he first revealed flashbacks and memories of horrible abuse.
I’ve been slowly sharing the story of how all of this unfolded over the years, and how it has affected our family, our marriage, Scott’s mental health, our relationship with his family, me as a spouse, etc. This whole situation sent literal shockwaves throughout our entire lives, that we would not have survived but for the grace of God. To this day, we are still dealing with the fallout.
Spoiler alert #1
In case you haven’t figured it out yet, I 100% believe my husband was indeed ritually abused by his family.
Spoiler alert #2
Nearly 18 years after those initial flashbacks, on the other side of the storms, in treatment, on medication, no longer in “crisis”, and still dealing with (and managing) symptoms of schizoaffective disorder, Scott acknowledges this happened to him.
Spoiler alert #3
It is possible for two things to be true at once. It’s possible for
*My husband to have schizoaffective disorder, and…
*My husband to be a survivor of horrific childhood trauma that includes occult themed abuse by his own family.
And yet, for some reason, people seem to not be able to grasp this concept.
Admittedly, it’s a hard concept to wrap one’s mind around, that this kind of abuse actually exists. Especially given the spotty history of these kinds of claims.
I was recently introduced to what I believe to be one of the most misleading quotes I’ve ever heard:
when you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras
(medicine, informal) When diagnosing a patient's symptoms, common ailments should be considered as more probable than rare ones.
That makes absolutely no sense. Do you know how many species of animals have hooves??!! It seems more foolish to me to assume you know the source of the hoofbeats, seeing as there are 200 possibilities…
In other words, my husband would be dismissed by saying, “oh, he’s just delusional”. “He’s only saying that because he’s mentally ill.” “He’s just having a psychotic break”.
“He’s just crazy”. (By the way, I HATE the “c” word, and I would never use it to describe my husband!)
Apparently, in the eyes of some, I too must have fallen victim to his delusions. Or, I’m feeding them.
When Scott told me these things, it was 2005. Years before we ever heard the names of: (Trigger warning…disturbing content ahead)
Jared Fogle and his partner in crime, Russell Taylor
That’s just a small sample of names in the news, of men who have been accused of some of the most heinous acts of child abuse. Not only that, but in addition to acting on their perversions, they were in possession of, seeking, disseminating, and even creating, videos and pictures of these horrible acts.
In Josh Duggar’s case, “Gerald Faulkner, a special agent for Homeland Security Investigations, stated the files on the computer were "in the top five of the worst of the worst that I've ever had to examine".[88][89][90] One of the videos allegedly in Duggar's possession, created by Peter Scully, depicts the rape and torture of an 18-month-old toddler.[91][92]”
In Russell Taylor’s case, his wife was involved, and even abused her own children, according to a recent documentary.
With Larry Nassar, multiple allegations over the course of multiple years by multiple victims were made, again and again and again. From the time of the first allegations, 1997, it was 2015 before anything was done. 37,000 images of CP were found on his computer. Was that 37,000 children? Or one child filmed 37,000 times? What difference does it make?
No one ever talks about the children in those images. What happened to them? Whose children were they? Where are those children now? Who did these men get the images from? Who were they sending them to? Who made the videos? Who took the pictures? Someone posed them. Someone clicked the shutter. These are just 3 adults who were caught. What about the ones who are never caught? Or the ones that were caught, that we don’t know about? How many registered sex offenders are there in the world?
No one ever talks about the fact that those children grow up, and become adults, who now have to deal with all of that trauma.
Josh Duggar has 7 children. If he is sick enough to watch images of other people’s children, Lord only knows what he was doing to his own. Maybe we’ll find out in 20 years. I shudder to think.
I’d be willing to bet good money that these images depict scenes that are satanic in nature, or involve some kind of dark ritualistic abuse. Why else would someone “torture” a child on film? And…an 18 month old???!!! That is downright evil. EVIL. Who would do such horrific things to a baby, you might ask?
Why, a satanist, of course. Even if they don’t call themselves that, or people dismiss it as hyperbole or rumor or urban legend, it is nothing short of satanic.
I mentioned that Scott has a sibling who corroborated some of his testimony. I can say this much. I was told by both Scott and this sibling (neither one of them knew what the other was saying to me), that there were films made. My husband and his sibling, could very well have been one of the children in images like the ones found on these men.
I guess what I would like to know is, why could this not be true? Why would people automatically assume that only someone mentally ill would come up with these horrible accusations, because they’re all in their head?
Maybe it would be better to just dimiss someone as crazy, than to actually believe that there are people in this world evil enough to commit these kinds of acts against their own children. Or any children. Maybe it’s easier to just say, “oh, it’s just a horse”, rather than turn around to discover you’ve got some other kind of beast behind you.
Or, how about just dismissing it all as part of one crazy conspiracy theory. (I am not talking about conspiracy theories. I’m talking about real world things here.)
Being the victim of such horrendous, vile, unspeakable acts as a child, would make anyone mentally ill in adult life. Or worse.
It’s all just so sad, so overwhelming. It pains me to even know about it. I can’t imagine the pain of the experience of living with this kind of abuse.
There are countless children growing into adults who are living with trauma either they don’t remember (does one actually remember being tortured and violated when they were 18 months old?!! Their brain might not, but their body would for sure!) or they’re trying to forget. The trauma will come out in one way or another.
I say all that to say, again, that I 100% believe my husband. And sadly, I would venture to say that he is far from alone.
So…what we do about all of this? How does someone heal from that level of abuse? Why does God even allow these things to happen?
We’ve come a long way! The mental illness symptoms are finally under control.
But the road ahead goes somewhere we still can’t see.
To be continued…
What I've seen over the years is that any diagnosis that starts with "schi" means an automatic redirect in my head to "severe childhood abuse" and "most probably dissociative" and "DID diagnosis avoidance" by professionals who should be but aren't trained. One told me to my face, "That kind of Trauma is verrrrrry rare." Snort. Not. The (rather satanic) mental health industry would rather give a diagnosis of anything other than, hey, we want to recognize and help you heal your horrific childhood trauma. Your adult symptoms are slightly different than person X and person Y and person Z's, so we'll make believe they are different disorders and pretend the solution is in quieting things down but not actually healing you. Every story like yours, told, helps crack the veil of "help and healing" that is the vast majority of the health "care" field. Thanks for telling it.
How difficult and freeing this must have been to finally step out in the open and publicly share... we are so proud of you! What a journey it's been and continues to be. We're always here for you ❤️