The Second Time He Left
Shortly after I was published in a 2011 blog about God’s amazing restoration of our family, Scott left again. We had barely recovered from the first time he left, and just a few short years later, I found myself alone again.
This time was even harder because Scott was in treatment and on medication. Earlier that year, he had undergone a medication change, and we were monitoring it closely. He was taking it as prescribed, doing everything he was supposed to do. And yet, something still was not quite right. During a trip to Tennessee to visit his family, he left for what ended up being over four and a half years. He left on August 14, 2011 and would not live with us again until March 20, 2016.
Needless to say, my world was rocked. I tried so hard to help our family heal and recover from all the things we had gone through his first time away. I was not prepared for him to leave again, especially since I was so hopeful that we were turning a corner. As it so happened, the corner I thought we were turning led straight into a wall. For over four and a half years, there was nothing but silence.
It wasn’t like he was dead, or deployed, or away on a trip, or in prison. Instead, it was like he didn’t even exist. There was no communication, no closure, nothing but radio silence.
And yet somehow, I managed to make it through those seasons, with my own mental health and sanity intact. God guided my steps each day. Jasmyne and I prospered, even though at times I was in what felt like a pit.
While Scott was gone, God gave me what I call “treasures in darkness”.
And I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness—
secret riches.
I will do this so you may know that I am the Lord,
the God of Israel, the one who calls you by name. Isaiah 45:3 NLT
In the midst of the darkness, the Lord taught me how to “look for the treasures”. Think about it…some things are best enjoyed in the dark. Stargazing, for example. You can’t see the beauty of constellations and planets and stars, unless it’s dark out. When we go to the movie theater or a show, the houselights are dimmed so the light can best shine on the screen or the stage. Fireworks are no fun in broad daylight.
Even though it was dark in a major area of my life, my marriage, God had a way of illuminating other areas, and drawing my attention there.
Some of the treasures He gave me:
An active, vibrant daughter who kept me grounded and gave me a reason to keep going everyday. Her joie de vivre was contagious!
Tremendous grace and provision to make an interstate move back to my husband’s home area in Tennessee from North Carolina, alone.
An amazing opportunity to go back to school and earn a Masters Degree in Violin performance, and even a chance to briefly study abroad in Italy!
Incredible support and understanding from classmates, colleagues, friends, and family who stood by me and Jasmyne, and remained ready and waiting to receive Scott with open arms if and when he returned.
Meanwhile, Scott was on his journey. Sadly, his journey at times caused him to slip through the cracks of our flawed mental health system. Far too many times in this country, those who are seriously mentally ill end up in situations that, instead getting in better, they get worse. For a time, this happened to Scott. I had a rough idea where he was, but due to his transient life and lack of communication, I had no direct contact with him.
Miracles!
Let me tell you a miraculous story. Of all the places that Scott could have found himself in the entire country, he ended up standing in a courtroom before a judge in South Florida. Not just any judge, but it “just so happened” that he found himself before the judge who founded the nation’s very first “mental health court”. This judge showed my husband compassion, understanding, and did not treat him like a criminal. Through her mandate, he ended up in a situation where he was able to get help, and eventually we were able to reconnect. It took some time for him to cycle through the system, but God kept him!! God guided Scott’s steps and in His time, led him back home.
I am convinced that it was because of prayer. I could have made any number of choices while Scott was gone, about how to deal with our situation. But because of God’s faithful guidance in my life, I have no doubt whatsoever that He led me to not give up on my husband.
On March 20, 2016, after four years and 7 months away, Scott came home.
During this season, I was also able to get more educated about mental illness and how best to advocate for my husband. Had we known certain things previously, we would have been better equipped to navigate our situation. But like Maya Angelou said, when you know better, you do better.
Once Scott came back home the second time, we were in a better position to help him heal, by applying a more holistic approach to his recovery. Treating mental health issues involves so much more than simply “taking medicine”. Scott was taking medication, and still floundered. We needed more. When he came home, we had (and still have) a team that consisted of mental health professionals, pastoral and spiritual care, and a primary care physician. He also had a strong advocate…me!
At this writing, Scott has been back home for about as long as he was gone. We have come a mighty long way, by God’s grace! But, we continue to be a work in progress. The good news is that mental illness can be treated. It is a long term commitment that requires a great deal of patience, a small village, and a ton of prayer. It may mean life has to look a bit different than what we previously thought. In the end, however, it is worth it.
I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 ESV
Jesus promised us in His Word, that in this world, we would have tribulation. It’s inevitable. In a sense, this entire existence on this planet is like stumbling around in the dark. You never know what life will bring. Blessing, sorrow, joy, pain. We don’t know everything. We can’t predict the future, we can’t figure out the past, we can’t control another person’s actions…life is uncertain. But Jesus also exhorted us to be of good cheer, for He has overcome the world. He gives us beauty for ashes, and Light for our darkness!
So why did he leave? What caused him to feel like he had to leave his family, aside from mental health issues? To find out, stay tuned!!