The First Time He Left
Twice during the course of our now 20 year marriage, Scott left our family. The first time he left, it was for about a year. The second time he left, it was for over four and a half years. Both times were the result of complications from mental illness, Bipolar I Disorder.
Bipolar Disorder is a mood disorder that causes extreme changes in mood and behavior. It can be on a spectrum, from mild to severe. Symptoms can range anywhere from highly elevated and depressed moods, to psychosis and suicide. There are three types, and my husband is officially diagnosed with Bipolar I. It is managed with medication and therapy. However, sometimes despite one’s best attempts at treatment, there can still be complications. It can be difficult to find and sustain the right treatment, because while the illness has common features across the board, no two manifestations are alike. Finding the right treatment can be like trying to find a needle in a haystack.
I want to make clear that it was because of Scott’s illness that he left us. It had nothing to do with our marriage or our relationship, it was simply the result of broken brain chemistry, beyond Scott’s control.
The Lord took care of me and our daughter that first time Scott was gone. We had moved back to my home area in North Carolina, so I had invaluable help and support in the form of my family. My daughter had my mother’s loving care while I worked full time. I had tons of moral support, and yet I struggled a great deal with having to move back home. I felt so defeated and like a failure. But God used that time, in ways I could not see and understand. When I look back, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was His best plan.
In the end, a miraculous intervention involving the courts, a state mental hospital, and God’s divine hand restored Scott back to us in late 2007. I shared some about that year in a guest post for a blog back in 2011. I wrote what I considered to be such an amazing story…and it was! It was a true testimony of God’s faithfulness during circumstances that did not look so good. My faith was severely tested, but the Lord brought me and my family through the fire. I was in awe of what God had done for us, and it was exciting to share that story with the world!
By the time I wrote that guest post, I was hopeful for the future, believing that we could put that time behind us.
But wait! There’s more!
Little did I know, that one year apart would pale in comparison to what was to come.
After Scott returned home, it took a long time for us to find our bearings again. In fact, I don’t know that we ever did, but it was not for lack of trying. Scott had gotten back into treatment and had gotten his illness under control, so we thought. While we did many right things, we soon discovered the treatment he received was not adequate. The few years after The Comeback were not easy. We endured heartbreaks such as losing our home via eviction. We had to to move in with my mother. We always struggled financially. My brother passed away. I had complete lack of direction and felt lost. I turned 40, and I felt like such a failure. I was swimming against a huge current. No matter how hard I tried to find some kind of stability for our family, we were not getting anywhere, it seemed. We even did a short term missions trip as a family with our former ministry team. That was an all too brief shining moment during such a difficult season.
Another bright spot during that time was that Jasmyne did not miss a beat! In spite of all the instability, she did not feel the chaos. She had a good life during that time. Between grandma spoiling her, friends and school, dance and drama camps, life was an adventure! And filled with God’s grace.
Truth be told, even with treatment, Scott never really did fully recover from that year away. There are many reasons for this that I will get into as our story unfolds, but eventually I had to face facts: all was not well.
Shortly after that post was published in May 2011, Scott left again. And this time, those 11 months he was away the first time looked like a drop in the bucket compared to what was about to happen. I did not see it coming, and it left me reeling.
To be continued…